As much as I want to write about something super amazing, God is prompting me to yield to Him. (Which I’m learning is still super amazing!)
I’ve never really been in a waiting period with God, without actually doing things with others in that time. So this has been the hardest thing of my life. No work to run to everyday, no boyfriend to pass time with, can’t make many friend-dates because of exams, the only things I’m doing is studying to better my future and spending time with God.
Did you catch that? This waiting period is teaching me to focus and work on myself. It feels selfish, it feels wrong in so many ways, it feels like everyone around me is disappointed in me for not availing myself because I’m available most times.
Besides my thoughts on other people’s thoughts, there are the thoughts running in my head about me having to do more, get out more, me wasting time because I’m ‘just’ focusing on myself. I’ve been so anxious about being by myself that I haven’t been eating properly, been sleeping too much, I’ve been speaking to God about how alone I am, that I’m sure even He’s been waiting for me to look in the mirror and repeat myself just so I can hear how silly I’m being. (Well not really but you catch my drift).
As much as I say I am alone, I have no urges to be around anyone but God. It has been boggling my brain for quite a while, until it hit me. Even though I’ve been speaking to God, I haven’t actually been listening to what He has to say. I’ve been moaning so much, when all I’ve really been looking for was Him. And I have a smile on my face right now, because God has been right with me, all this time, waiting patiently.
For a whole year I cried to God, asking Him to give me more time to spend with Him while I was still working. And He has answered my prayers now, without me fully realizing it. He is so amazing! This retreat I’m taking with Him (and my books) is allowing me to grow, it’s helping me tune in and get acquainted with His voice. It’s helping me pray about deep issues that need to be dealt with and then forcing myself to deal with them. It is so tough “working on myself” and then you get the guilt that follows, it’s the first time in my life that I’m in this position of focusing on myself. It’s new territory, so I’m getting past the terror of it and I’m living out the promise that says in Gods word to -“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6)
I am my biggest blockage of moving forward in my life. Gods plans are set out for me, and I want to live them out. But I can only do that if I yield (surrender) to God and listen to what it is He is calling me to do. Even if I need to wait, as long as I’m waiting and praising God.
It’s never easy waiting for what’s to come, but it’s needed for where God is going to take you next.
If you feel that you need to wait and yield to God, do it. It will be hard, but I can promise you that God will never leave your side. He loves you, so He will work on you, to improve you, to use you for His glory ❤️
Be blessed xo